MRL

Length: Long
Clarity: semi-vivid
Triggers: thinking about my theatre days

I was back in Stratford, my childhood hometown. My parent`s church had rented out the Stratford Festival Theatre for some church drama and we were putting on a performance. A few minutes before we were supposed to go on, I still wasn`t dressed and hadn`t even looked at the script.
I felt that awful panic of being unprepared. The theatre had filled and I could hear them. Everyone was rushing around getting dressed but I had no idea what to do. I glanced at a script and realized that I remembered absolutely nothing. I noticed a costume on the floor I had worn in a show I did in University. I put it on.
The show started and the first few scenes happened. Then my mom, who was back stage, began to get angry. She didn`t like the whole idea of the show.
My mom said to my dad, `Are you going to be onstage?`
My dad said sheepishly, `yes, but only for a little bit, honey.`
Then I heard the cue for us to go on.
My sister and brother went onstage before me and they stopped and said, `Where`s Matt?`
Silently I thought to myself - how do you even know what you`re doing! You`ve never even done a show before! And I went onstage with that dreadful feeling of not having any choice but to admit you`re unprepared.
But I quickly started improvising.
I looked down and realized that I had taken off my pants and underwear and was only wearing the top I had found but it was long enough to cover most everything except when I sat down.
The crowd started laughing as we performed and other people came on stage and did their part and the show progressed.

What was most vivid to me were the feelings and silent thoughts. Feelings especially of both regret and disdain that I had been forced/chosen to participate in this church event, which I wanted no part of; feelings of being unprepared, of running out of time, but also the confusion I felt being with my family in a space that was sacred to me. I felt upset they had invaded and taken over this one place I was otherwise very confident in and meant a lot to me. Not being properly prepared before doing a show was a sign of disrespect to the space of the theatre. It was I who was unprepared, but I felt it was their fault and organization that had caused it.

One of MANY theatre dreams I`ve had in my life.