MRL

Length: Long
Clarity: semi-vivid
Triggers: thinking about my theatre days

I was back in Stratford, my childhood hometown. My parent`s church had rented out the Stratford Festival Theatre for some church drama and we were putting on a performance. A few minutes before we were supposed to go on, I still wasn`t dressed and hadn`t even looked at the script.
I felt that awful panic of being unprepared. The theatre had filled and I could hear them. Everyone was rushing around getting dressed but I had no idea what to do. I glanced at a script and realized that I remembered absolutely nothing. I noticed a costume on the floor I had worn in a show I did in University. I put it on.
The show started and the first few scenes happened. Then my mom, who was back stage, began to get angry. She didn`t like the whole idea of the show.
My mom said to my dad, `Are you going to be onstage?`
My dad said sheepishly, `yes, but only for a little bit, honey.`
Then I heard the cue for us to go on.
My sister and brother went onstage before me and they stopped and said, `Where`s Matt?`
Silently I thought to myself - how do you even know what you`re doing! You`ve never even done a show before! And I went onstage with that dreadful feeling of not having any choice but to admit you`re unprepared.
But I quickly started improvising.
I looked down and realized that I had taken off my pants and underwear and was only wearing the top I had found but it was long enough to cover most everything except when I sat down.
The crowd started laughing as we performed and other people came on stage and did their part and the show progressed.

What was most vivid to me were the feelings and silent thoughts. Feelings especially of both regret and disdain that I had been forced/chosen to participate in this church event, which I wanted no part of; feelings of being unprepared, of running out of time, but also the confusion I felt being with my family in a space that was sacred to me. I felt upset they had invaded and taken over this one place I was otherwise very confident in and meant a lot to me. Not being properly prepared before doing a show was a sign of disrespect to the space of the theatre. It was I who was unprepared, but I felt it was their fault and organization that had caused it.

One of MANY theatre dreams I`ve had in my life.

MRL

Visibility: bit foggy
Length: Long but don`t remember much
Triggers: Watching movies

Again on an island, but a big one with a huge city with lots of hills. A lot of young people were there, like travelers, but we were trapped. There had been something big happening and none of us could figure out how to get off the island. Eventually I met some travelers who told me how to get a ticket to France by the Chunnel. I remember checking the schedule and thinking there wasn`t enough time, but they handed me my passport and I thought, `At least I`ll get a French stamp in it, and a few francs.` But then remembered it would only be Euros.
The way to get to the Chunnel station was long and complicated. I had to take a zip-line in a little chair over the city streets. I saw a girl down below whom I recognized and asked her for some vital information. My basket turned into a wheel-chair thing and I made my way down the bumpy street hills to the station.
Outside the station there was a guy who said, `You`ll need to buy a parking pass for that` pointing to the wheelchair.
I looked around and whispered to him, `Could you just do me this favour? Just wave me through, it doesn`t mean anything to you.`
He disappeared and came back with my tickets and the parking pass which I looked down and saw cost 3.50$. I was thankful to him for bending the rules.
Inside the Chunnel Station wasn`t big. It was like the hallway of the house with so many doors, each with a number on it. You were supposed to do each step in order so you could board the train to France. I looked down and tried to read on the sheet. I had already done number one, which was park your car. Number two was to go through security. I opened the door that said number two, but inside was being repainted and had old white sheets thrown over everything. I shut the door and said to myself, `My god, the Chunnel is closed!`

MRL - Tuesday, January 23

Length: Long and involved
Clarity: semi-vivid
Triggers: thinking about vacation

I was on a small tropical island that had only one large, gigantic building on it that nearly took up the whole space. There were other islands off in the distance but you had to swim across long, deep canals to get there. Inside the building was a whole resort. I was exploring the resort and I kept seeing this one guy who tried to sell me a tour, and then I saw him again working at a bar taking drinks to people.
I said, `You`re a jack of all trades, aren`t you.`
He said, `Whatever it takes to pay the bills.`

Then my sister and her husband showed up and we all went into a small room where we waited for a doctor. The doctor performed an abortion on her and I saw it being put into a metal try. The doctor looked at it and said, `Thats disgusting` and my sister started crying.

SKA

Length: long
Visibility: clear
Triggers: total exhaustion

My friend from college, came over for lunch. I hadn't seen her in years (in real life too). She had gained some weight, in a healthy way. And she looked very adult. She had a cute bob cut and was wearing a delicate gold necklace with a diamond stud in her neck....it wasn't attached to the necklace. Maybe it was like a sticker. But it was big and in the hollow of her neck. She was wearing a power suit. She looked good, like a successful lawyer. But she seemed totally depressed and down.

We sat and talked for awhile in my apartment (my Japan apato). But when we got in the car, we were in Iowa (where she lives and where we went to school) We drove around, farm country all around us. I think we stopped for lunch somewhere, but that part was foggy. I didn't feel in control of driving. All of a sudden I felt drugged, like I couldn't see clearly and couldn't focus on talking and driving at the same time. So I pulled over and turned around to go home. In the car I asked about her family and she said something about her mother and advice she had just given her because of her recent break-up. What? Oh no! So this is why she was depressed. I hadn't met the boy so I didn't have much to say about the situation. But she was pretty upset so I was trying to comfort her and drive at the same time and felt even more flustered.

Finally, we got to my apartment, I think I was just gonna run in to do something quickly, but I just couldn't go back out to the car! I couldn't make myself be with her. I needed a break. That and when I walked into my apartment, I realized my computer was gone....the desk, printer, everything! It was cleared out. Then I turned around and it was in another corner of my aparment. But all of a sudden, lots of things were missing or turned around. I got really confused and upset. My friend, who had been waiting in the car came upstairs. She sat down and I was gonna make her some tea. Another friend (from high school) called on my cell phone and said wanted to talk. Ahh...I'm in the middle of figuring out who has been in my apartment and another friend in need. Eek!! Sorry...I'll call you back later. She sounded pissed. Frick!

And then my other friend was gone. Seems I can't please anyone!

Length: Short
Visibility: Pretty clear
Triggers: No idea

Dreamt I encouraged my sister to get a divorce. Something wasn`t working out between her and her husband and I told her it was okay, that she could get a divorce and always give women a shot.

Several dreams in Myanmar about grizzly bears. With my family both times and it chased us up a mountain and was about to attack my sister, and in the second was with my brother and the bear prowled outside while we hid inside a cabin.

AJS

Length: short
Visibility: not much
Triggers: high stress

love session with Donnie Darko. hott